Magic In The Bible

In my last post I talked about things magically popping into existence from nothing in the book of Genesis. In this post I am going to talk about some more magic contained in the pages of the Bible.

Let's begin in Genesis again. God decides to make a man and what material does he use to create the first man? Dust, of course. Here's Genesis 2:7:

And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

So let me see if I have this right: God makes the shape of a man out of dust on the ground, breaths life into said shape and his body magically transforms from dust into flesh and bones? His eyes, hair, teeth, muscles, brain, heart, circulatory system, blood and all the rest of the complexities in a human body magically came from... dust? And people think evolution is absurd??

Moving down two verses we run into another bit of silliness, this time in the form of magic trees.

And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. -- Genesis 2:9

We'll get to these trees later. Trust me, they'll come into play in just a bit.

The next magical absurdity is a whole woman being created from only one rib. Take it away, Bible:

(21) And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
(22) And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
(23) And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. -- Genesis 2:21-23

While that isn't quite something from nothing, it's close. Take one rib, sprinkle a little divine magic on it and presto, you've got yourself a woman. It's nice that Adam had himself a wife now, but can you imagine those two arguing back and forth over whose fault the fall of man was? I wonder if God did a little marriage counseling for the two. Adam did have one good thing going for him though; to quote Mark Twain: "Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law."

(1) Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
(2) And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:
(3) But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
(4) And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
(5) For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. -- Genesis 3:1-5

Yep, a talking snake. Kind of speaks for itself doesn't it? Wait, was that a bad pun? It wasn't intentional! Anyway, this isn't the only talking animal in the Bible, we'll come upon another one soon. Do you remember those magic trees mentioned earlier? Here's where the tree of knowledge comes into play:

(6) And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
(7) And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. -- Genesis 3:6-7

That's some magic fruit; eat it and gain knowledge you didn't have before. But wait, there's a second magic tree...

And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever -- Genesis 3:22

Eating fruit from the tree of life apparently could've made Adam and Eve live forever. Now that's some cool fruit. God didn't want that though, so he banished Adam and Eve from the garden and placed a cherub with a flaming sword to guard the way to the tree of life. You know, all of this could've been avoided if God had simply not put the trees there in the first place. Talk about a lack of omniscience. I wonder if God had a Homer Simpson moment and exclaimed "D'oh!"

Let's move on to the Exodus story. Moses was speaking to the burning bush version of God and God wanted him to go free the Israelites from Egypt, but Moses was being a doubting Thomas. So, God showed Moses some magic tricks that he could perform in front of the Israelites and convince them that God had truly sent him.

(1) And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The LORD hath not appeared unto thee.
(2) And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod.
(3) And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it.
(4) And the LORD said unto Moses, Put forth thine hand, and take it by the tail. And he put forth his hand, and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand:
(5) That they may believe that the LORD God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, hath appeared unto thee.
(6) And the LORD said furthermore unto him, Put now thine hand into thy bosom. And he put his hand into his bosom: and when he took it out, behold, his hand was leprous as snow.
(7) And he said, Put thine hand into thy bosom again. And he put his hand into his bosom again; and plucked it out of his bosom, and, behold, it was turned again as his other flesh. -- Exodus 4:1-7

A snake turning into a rod and vice versa is cool, but the Egyptian magicians knew that trick too. In fact, in Exodus 7:11, it calls them sorcerers and magicians.

Skipping over the ten plagues we now go to Numbers 21. The Israelites were free and wandering in the wilderness, but there was a problem; the people were complaining because they didn't have any water to drink nor good food to eat. Speaking against God and Moses apparently ticked God off in a big way. What's an angry god to do? Send fiery serpents to kill those whiners and blasphemers, of course. It worked, and the people asked Moses to pray to God to make the serpents go away. Moses did so and God told Moses to make a fiery serpent statue out of brass. Whoever had been bitten and looked at this statue would live. Sounds logical to me (not really).

(4) And they journeyed from mount Hor by the way of the Red sea, to compass the land of Edom: and the soul of the people was much discouraged because of the way.
(5) And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread.
(6) And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
(7) Therefore the people came to Moses, and said, We have sinned, for we have spoken against the LORD, and against thee; pray unto the LORD, that he take away the serpents from us. And Moses prayed for the people.
(8) And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live.
(9) And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived. -- Numbers 21:4-9

If God would've kept his temper in check he would not have needed to save people from his own wrath. Oh wait, there's that whole being saved by Jesus thing. Anyway, by merely looking at this brass serpent those who were bitten magically lived to tell the tale.

Moving on to the next chapter, Numbers 22, we come to the second talking animal. The Israelites were almost done with their 40 years of wandering when they came into the plains of Moab. The Moabites were afraid of the Israelites and voiced their concern to the elders of Midian. Balak, king of Moab at the time, sent some messengers to get Balaam. Balak wanted Balaam to curse the Israelites so that he could defeat them and drive them from his land. Balaam sends back word that he will only do what God commands him to and God told him in a dream not to go. Balak then sent princes to Balaam, more of them and more honorable than the last ones, and offered Balaam a promotion to great honor. God eventually tells Balaam to go, but then for some strange reason gets angry at Balaam for going. An angel blocks Balaam's path and this is what happens:

(20) And God came unto Balaam at night, and said unto him, If the men come to call thee, rise up, and go with them; but yet the word which I shall say unto thee, that shalt thou do.
(21) And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab.
(22) And God's anger was kindled because he went: and the angel of the LORD stood in the way for an adversary against him. Now he was riding upon his ass, and his two servants were with him.
(23) And the ass saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and the ass turned aside out of the way, and went into the field: and Balaam smote the ass, to turn her into the way.
(24) But the angel of the LORD stood in a path of the vineyards, a wall being on this side, and a wall on that side.
(25) And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she thrust herself unto the wall, and crushed Balaam's foot against the wall: and he smote her again.
(26) And the angel of the LORD went further, and stood in a narrow place, where was no way to turn either to the right hand or to the left.
(27) And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.
(28) And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?
(29) And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.
(30) And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? And he said, Nay.
(31) Then the LORD opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face. -- Numbers 22:20-31

How about that, a talking ass. And no, I'm not talking about the first Ace Ventura movie. God can apparently give animals the power to speak. If that isn't magic I don't know what is.

Moving on to the New Testament, we come to Jesus cursing the fig tree:

(18) Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he hungered.
(19) And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away.
(20) And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon is the fig tree withered away! -- Matthew 21:18-20

I've got to ask: Where's the love, Jesus? Instead of cursing the tree and making it magically die and wither, why not make it grow fruit? Then again, like father like son I suppose; in the Old Testament God was always using violence instead of finding a peaceful, loving solution to the problems at hand. Also, there's a contradiction about how quickly the fig tree withered which is discussed on Errancy.org.

There are many more examples of magic in the Bible, but I'll conclude things here.

All of the magic shown here is quite absurd isn't it? But what's even more absurd is believing these things actually took place. And if you're of the mindset that the Bible is meant to be taken literally, then that's exactly what you have to do, believe. Fictional stories in books, TV shows, and movies ask you to suspend disbelief, but that's only temporary. A strictly literal interpretation asks you to stay in suspended disbelief, and not only that, but it piles on absurdity after absurdity. Eventually, you're left with a mountain of nonsense that you're supposed to believe no matter how loud your common sense cries out "somethin' ain't right here!"

In this day and age we wouldn't believe someone if they told us God made their pet talk to them, in English, and rightly so, because it's absurd. So why do some people still believe these stories, full of magic and nonsense, from long ago in a superstitious age when they actually believed magic (and lots of other stuff) was real?

Believers completely dismiss such stories from other religions as nonsense, and same goes for the arguments in support of them. Yet when it comes to their religion, these types of stories and arguments for them are considered true and valid. But, if you don't find the arguments for another religion's stories convincing, why should anyone believe the similar rationalizations for your religion's stories?